Single women in Benin : It's becoming worrying

No formal statistics but ordinary Beninese people will tell you that the population of single women is increasing more and more. The reason is that we come across these days and very frequently, women without husbands in bars, at performance venues. A fact that does not spare those who already have children. Education, loss of African values ​​and lack of preparation for life as a couple are some of the causes raised by people interviewed on the subject.

Meeting young single women these days in the big cities of Benin is an open secret. If some have made this choice because of studies to give themselves more chances of professional success, others are without marital coverage because they are divorced or abandoned for various reasons. Most often for simple bickering. “What is that?. My Henri is no longer able to take care of me. Is this 3.000 f may be enough for a woman like me with an extra child? Ahhh, I can't stand. That’s why I packed my bags” Confides Tania, barely thirty, leaning against a public bench. She just left her husband a few months ago under the pretext that he was no longer up to the task of domestic responsibilities and taking care of his body.. Like her, Many of them leave their homes as soon as their spouse's pockets start to no longer break the bank like in the very early days.. “Our sisters no longer want to stay under one roof today, eh! » notes Émilie, over sixty. Busy bagging charcoal in the courtyard of a house in Akpakpa, she continues : “It’s sad what we’re seeing today.. It's not because I have everything at my disposal that I'm still with papa kiki (name of their eldest), non. Everything is not rosy and the road has been long, but I stayed inside. I remember like it was yesterday, one day I went to complain to my mom (Rest in peace) on a homemade. But after listening to me, she replied to me. When you opened your eyes, where did you see me? – At dad's I replied. – so go back to your husband because home is not synonymous with the absence of disagreement or divorce for a yes or a no. This is where you belong. And since, I understood that it was a matter of marriage, it’s patience,” she says. It is a reality that extends even to remote corners of the country.

The causes

One of the first mentioned is the loss of values. At the time, where tradition was in full swing, unions were most often arranged between the families of the spouses, says a guardian of tradition. “Before it was not the man himself who flirted with his partner. It’s a negotiation between families. When we are assured of the good reputation of the family, the man sends his parents to the family of his future wife for the first steps. This stage successfully completed, time for serious things. After endowing the woman, the man takes him to his mother in order to receive another education” explains Hounnon Metoli.

One of these values ​​is education.

Girls need to get used to the psychology of housekeeping. “They must understand their new environment to integrate well,” says the man.. He adds that if "the new bride or partner can pass 4 month with his mother-in-law to absorb the realities of his new family, that would be a good thing. If the woman must see the difficulties of the household, she will always move from man to man” said an old man. “And when you miss the first step, what nature gave you, sincerely you no longer have the chance to find yourself again” indicates Hounnon Metoli.

Lack of preparation

“Going into early marriages without having the necessary maturity is a real problem. Our sisters must, our daughters know that life is patience. Life is a choice. We choose to live with a man with all that goes with it. As long as it is not violence to the point of committing the irreparable. And it's the same for men when faced with the whims of women.… » insists mom kiki.

The other benchmark that tends to disappear is submission. It’s important, says Reine. " Wife, regardless of her social rank or professional situation, she has an obligation to submit to her husband. She must understand that she is under his authority and will owe him this respect. This does not mean, to let oneself be humiliated, non, but the woman must know that she depends on an authority who is her husband,” she mentions.. According to her, the excessive ambition of women is also a cause. “What leads women to separate from their husbands can be on the financial side or the man who does not give what the woman needs or the woman who is no longer satisfied by what the man gives. And gives herself the opportunity to separate or it is the man who separates from her despite the fact that they had children. It’s a social phenomenon that undermines society,” adds an evangelical. And whose solution for her consists of “targeting the education of our children, of our young women and our young brothers to instill in them the fear of God because that is what is fundamental. If the woman does not have the fear of God she will allow herself any luxury because she will see herself so beautiful and think that she can hook any man she sees. Direct consequence, she jumps from man to man until she goes from fana fana to fanée” laments Maman Kiki.

Arnaud ACAKPO (Coll)